Did you know …
That costs are up and sales are down? It’s true!
Ideally, the situation would be reversed—high sales and low costs—but due to environmental and economic conditions not fully understood by scientists, sales are down and costs are up.
What should you do to protect yourself from these unfortunate circumstances? Here’s a quick list of suggestions:
-Convert your assets to gold and bury it in a strangers yard. Because clothes and shovels are also assets, you will do this naked and with a borrowed shovel. No shovel owning friends? Use your hands!
-Get a library card! There’s a world of adventure behind the doors of your local library! Also, many books will have great tips on how to trap and dress small game.
-Watch the stars! Predicting the movements of heavenly bodies may give you an edge over your competitors in the tumultuous marketplace.
-Look inside yourself. Tonsiliths are harmless but gross. Remove them with a waterpick or the back of your toothbrush.
-Buy more, pay less. I suggest dollar stores.
-Sit quietly and wait, so that your death, at least, will be met with dignity.
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