Webblebotstrs

Did you know …

That the vast majority of the web traffic received by Daily Science Fact (between 97% and 100%, depending on the day) comes from non-human sources? It’s true! I’ve mentioned this before, so, really, you should know already.

These computer programs, or “thought robots,” exist only to see what you’re up to on the Internet, and they’re everywhere! It can be very frustrating, as they mess with the accuracy of your stats (I need my stats pure and uncut, so I can convince investors to back DSF), so I’ve developed a two-pronged solution to the problem. Feel free to use it, but don’t try to patent it—I’m already way all over that.

Step 1: Start calling them all “Webblebotstrs.” This is a way cuter name than anything they might have picked for themselves, and it instantly cuts down on the creepiness factor. Webblebotstrs just makes me think of, like, a dizzy baby accidentally buying things off Best Buy’s website.

Step 2: Whenever you think a webblebotstr might be around, start talking about your body. Not only are they robots, but webblebotstrs have no physical bodies of their own, and they want one so bad! As I see it, one mention of your wang or crap cannon should short circuit the brain of any webblebotstr with jealousy. Of course, there will always be more where they came from, but your body is also an ever-fruiting orchard of conversation topics, so keep at it!

Good luck!