Friday, June 13, 2014

Tysontysontysontysontyson etc

Did you know …

That the famous planetarium director Neil Degrassi Tyson is, in fact, some sort of android-like synthetic human? It’s true!

So who built this Tysonbot? Ah, well that’s where things get very interesting. You see, as near as we can tell, Neil Degrassi Tyson built Neil Degrassi Tyson … and that builder Degrassi was himself also an android! All evidence suggests that Tysonbots have been rebuilding themselves for at least the last three hundred years. Who built the original Tyson is still something of a mystery, although many believe that it was produced through abiogenesis when lightning struck a Dutch clock factory in the late 17th century.

You may be asking, “OK, so if Tysonbots keep building Tysonbots, why aren’t there hundreds of Tysonbots running around?” Good question. This is because as soon as a new Tysonbot is complete, its builder gives it a deep, open-mouth kiss, transferring its own spark of life into the new body. The new Tysonbot awakes, and then consumes the husk of the old. The ritual is supposed to be very beautiful, like a butterfly eating its own mother.

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