Tesla's Turtles

Did you know…

That the famous inventor and original steampunk haberdasher Nikola Tesla hated, hated, hated turtles? It’s true!

In Tesla’s private diaries* he never once mentions turtles without also including the parenthetical “(which I hate, hate, hate).” Tesla scholars are uncertain as to the origins of his animosity, although there are unsubstantiated rumors that Tesla’s back was covered in small, diamond-shaped beak scars. In any case, Tesla said of turtles, “throughout mine childhood, turtles (which I hate, hate, hate) were ever the nut I couldn’t crack.” Once the inventor had his own workshop, he set his mind to creating the perfect turtle cracker. Better known for his work with electricity, Tesla’s turtle cracker was nonetheless an astonishing achievement in hydraulics. Unable to find a suitably continuous supply of turtles, Tesla’s team never found the machine’s upper turtles/minute limit.

Turtle bones and broken shells can still be found on the property behind the Wardenclyffe tower facility in drifts up to seven feet high.

*Tesla’s diary was stolen by Thomas Edison in 1887. Edison had the volume printed in full in the New York times in an effort to embarrass his rival**.

**The scheme should have worked; among other embarrassments, Tesla kept a daily “pooper log,” drew idealized nudes of his own body, and makes numerous references to starting fires in New York City alleyways. However, Tesla’s personality was such that he never even thought to be embarrassed by these things***.

***Hans Asperger would later refer to Tesla as “the original ass-burger.” But that’s a story for another day!