Chickenscratch

Did you know …

That the vikings, Northern Europe’s preeminent seagoing rapists, had their own written language? It’s true!

Who’d have thought that that thieving race of badger people could even form human-like sounds, much less write them down?! When you see the letters themselves, though, it might make more sense; each viking character had to be able to be inscribed by dragging one’s own teeth over a flat stone surface, so it’s really just a bunch of scratches and tooth pieces.

Have you ever heard of the saga of Beowulf? It’s basically the 8th century’s version of All Dogs Go to Heaven—at some point a viking pulls somebody’s arm off and then kills their mother, which I believe ADGtH copied almost directly. Anyway, according to some theories, simply writing down the story of Beowulf fully wore down the teeth of an entire generation of vikings, which seems to have given the rest of Europe a moment to breathe and collect itself. That must have been nice! Of course the vikings were at it again a few years later, spreading disease and turning monks into hand puppets and stuff.

Those guys!