Great apples

Did you know …

That the apple is one of nature’s most perfect foods? It’s true!

The humble apple makes my Nature’s Perfect Foods List for several reasons.

1) Apples are edible. Unlike many of nature’s foods, such as rocks, logs and clouds, apples can be inserted into the mouth as food and your digestive system is able to treat it as such. Try doing that with sand or, like, copper. I didn’t think so!

2) Apples fit well in the human hand. Again, many rocks and logs are too big to hold in your hand, but apples are just right. This is assuming that you have hands. Other foods also fit in your hand, like berries and pudding, but many people find berries to be too small for a satisfying hold, and pudding is far too sloppy.

3) Apples can also be little houses for worms and bugs. This doesn’t do much for people, but I have to give credit where credit is due. It’s a neat idea, and if I were small enough I would definitely try living in an apple for a while.

4) Supposedly apples keep doctors away. I’ve written about this before, I think, but I can’t recall the details. At any rate, we obviously need doctors sometimes—to pull splinters out of our bottoms, to palpate our rashes, to apply scalp salves, etc.—but there are also bad doctors out there (e.g., Doctor Giggles, Josef Mengele, Patch Adams, and so forth), and it’s a good idea to have an apple on hand in case they come calling.

Apples: Trey ‘em!