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Did you know …

That “superfoods” are like regular foods, except with greater powers and responsibilities? It’s true!

While a normal food might just, for example, fill you up and then make you poop, a superfood might fill you up and then make you poop really hard. Or a normal food could give you healthy, glossy skin and hair, while a superfood might make your skin and hair so vital and lustrous that they constantly make you feel as though you are covered in burning phosphorus. It all has to do with vitamins and stuff.

Here’s a short list of some common superfoods, and what you might expect from consuming them:

-Blueberries: no more tears

-Cranberries: back hair

-Cherries: the power to attract turtles

-Mulberries: the inability to digest mulberries

-Gooseberries: total wisdom of gooselore

-Raspberries: protection from ice

-Blackberries: eternal sleep

-Grapes: the enmity of apes

-Kumkwats: visual perception of gamma radiation