"Ladies?"

Did you know …

That Sir Isaac Newton was both the first person to diagnose and the first person to be diagnosed with “sexual mania”? It’s true!

The details aren’t exactly clear on how and when this happened, but it seems that Newton once acted as an expert witness in a trial. Primarily known for his expertise as a mathematician and physicist, Newton nonetheless testified as a “sexpert,” and the trial was his own. Again, the records are spotty, but Newton had been arrested either for attempting to seduce a sow, or for attempting to get a sow to seduce a boar; in either case, someone put a wig on a pig, and Newton was there.

England had pretty strict laws against this sort of thing at the time, but such were Newton’s credentials and general public respect that the jury accepted his testimony that “anyone can just get going, you know, and anything can happen, and sometimes there are pigs there and sometimes not, but that basically doesn’t matter. Also, do you like gravity or not, because I could take it back if you aren’t into it. Look, I’m a maniac. A sexual maniac. Ladies?”

Newton was released without punishment.