Mybrows

Did you know …

That humans have been genetically modified? It’s true!

This genetic modification took place in the first half of the 20th century, and without our consent. Until the early 1920s, eyebrows do not appear in any photographs or depictions of humans. In 1922, you start to see eyebrows popping up here and there. By 1924, pretty much everybody has eyebrows. These days it’s exceptionally rare to see a baby born with no eyebrows.

Who did this to us? We don’t know. Probably the Railroad Illuminati or the Lizardmen. We simply don’t know. I have to admit, though, that however much an invasion of our genetic autonomy it was . . . it was probably for the best. Before we were genetically gifted with eyebrows, we all basically looked like seal people. Not the musician Gerhart Seal, but pinniped seals. Also, it was harder to tell when we were surprised. With actual seals, you pretty much have to rely on context to tell whether they’re surprised or not; based on its face alone, a seal relaxing on a warm rock looks pretty much the same as a seal being tossed into the air by a great white shark. Eyebrows are useful tools for beings as emotional as we are, particularly because context clues like shark attacks are less common for us than they are for seals.

Thanks, Lizardmen!