Puppet brains

Did you know …

That puppets’ brains are not actually made of fingers? It’s true! Your fingers are made of fingers, of course, and a puppet’s brain is made of brain!

But why, then, when we shove our hands into puppets’ rectums, do we not feel that warm head puddin’? It’s because puppet brains exist like Schrödinger’s sad cat. They both exist and do not exist until you jam your jam-scoops up there and force them to only not exist.

If your mom or somebody asks you what you mean when you explain this to them, tell them it’s quantum, and that they’ve never looked stupider than right now. This might seem harsh, but at the moment of questioning, your own brain and guts will be in a state of flux, and the wrong answer could lead to someone reaching up through your digestive tract and flapping his or her hand around in your empty skull.

Weird, huh? Science!

PS—Question from a reader who couldn’t keep to one question per question. Q/Answer posted retroactively.

PPS—Expect more on Schrödinger & cat in the future. What a fascinating partnership that was!

Animal or puppet?

Did you know …

That many of the things we believe to be living animals, are, in fact, not? It’s true! A lot of “animals” are actually animal-shaped fabric constructions, animated by human hands. We call them “puppets.” Although puppets seem alive, and look very much like actual animals, the are not. Telling puppets from animals can be tricky, even for experts.

Things to look for when spotting puppets:

-The creature is speaking a human language (although some animals, like parrots and maybe some of the better monkeys, can do this too)

-The creature has a human arm in their rectum (although this may simply be a human assisting in a calf’s birth, or doing some other horrible thing to an actual animal)

-The creature moves its head and mouth vigorously, but barely moves its limbs (although this could be a snake or a paralyzed animal)

-The creature appears to be some kind of cross between an animal and a human (although it may actually be a human-animal hybrid)