Ponies

Did you know …

That "ponies" are really just horses? It's true!

Many people operate under the misconception that ponies are a fully distinct species from horses, but this could not be further from the truth. A "pony" is simply a horse that has, at some point in its life, killed a human being.

If you're thinking, "no, that can't be true, I've looked in the eyes of some ponies, and I'd be able to tell if they had straight up murdered someone," you're half right. Naturally, doing something like stomping on someone's head or biting their throat out will earn a horse the pony label, but horses can also become ponies by indirectly or inadvertently causing the death of a human being.

For example:

-A horse stands on the oxygen supply tube of an old-timey diver. This horse is a pony.

-A horse and a human are trapped in a warehouse for two months. They have a large supply of jerky, but with its superior size and strength the horse is able to keep all the jerky for itself. The human dies of starvation, and the horse is a pony.

-A horse and a human are trapped in a garden paradise for several decades. They have all the fresh food they need, but the horse convinces the person to eat only apricots. The human dies of diabetes, and the horse is a pony.

-A horse is singing on a mountaintop, and the sound triggers an avalanche. The village below is buried by snow, tree trunks, and house-sized boulders. With no time to evacuate, nearly four hundred people perish. This horse is a pony.

-A horse gives false testimony at a murder trial. The defendant is wrongfully convicted, sentenced to death, and executed. This horse remains a horse, because the defendant was also a horse.