More mouse than mice

Did you know …

That a recent governmental report suggests that up to half of the “mice” that live in and around our homes are actually not mice at all, but robotic simulated lifeforms.

I know what you’re thinking: This is crazy talk from crazy people, and since when have I ever trusted the guv’ment? All they’ve ever done for me is help me get diabetes.

Ok, fair enough. We’re all aware of the distinct threat posed by the faction of lizard people within our government, and we understand that, despite their assistance in our obtaining diabetes, we need to at least treat the government and its studies with caution.

However, this particular bit of research makes sense. You can’t leave cheese out at night, for fear of mice taking it, right? Except why on Earth would a mouse seek out cheese like that? Nothing in mouse evolution suggests that mice need cheese, or could have adapted to prefer it so exclusively over other foods. It would make much more sense if we were afraid for our seed bags, or for our beetle cakes. These are things that all mice should be interested in. And yet a significant portion of mice (or “mice”) seem to be very interested in our cheese. Very strange.

Who builds these mousebots? And what do they want with our cheese?