King Arthur and the Knights of the ... Round?

Did you know …

That King Arthur’s famous “round table” wasn't actually round? It’s true!

This is because no one had invented the circle yet*. The shape of the table was closer to a long oval. For that matter, no one had invented the table yet either, so King Arthur’s Round Table was actually more of King Arthur’s Oval Trough (the latest research suggests that it was a depression in the ground, often filled with grain porridge and pieces of vegetables, so “trough” is probably a reasonably applied term).

It’s worth noting, too, that while Arthur and his knights are typically pictured in shining armor and opulent clothing, neither clothing nor armor had been invented by that time. In fact, the only thing approaching accuracy in most depictions of Arthur is his crown, although, of course, crowns as we know them hadn’t yet been invented in Arthur’s time—high rank was typically signified by tying a large bird (probably dead) to one’s head. It may not seem like much, here in the time of jewel-studded golden crowns, but in those days crowns were more of an “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king” kind of thing; if almost everyone around has nothing on their head, even having a dead bird tied to your head would probably seem pretty cool.

Anyway, when you think of noble King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table from now on, picture a bunch of naked men lying on their bellies around a muddy, slop-filled pit, and imagine one of the men with, like, a dead ptarmigan strapped to his face. Those were amazing times.

*To be precise, the circle had been invented several times already, including in the Classical societies, but by the time Arthur came around it had long been forgotten. You know how the Middle Ages were: shitty.