Tacky clothes

Did you know …

That when clothing was first invented (~1000 BCE), people fastened it to their bodies with small nails? It’s true! Or, if small nails weren’t available, they’d use larger nails!

It seems pretty crazy that they’d nail flaps of cloth to themselves just to cover up their disgusting holes and danglings, but I suppose it goes to show how much dumber were back then. It wasn’t until the 16th century, when John of Glogow perfected the stapler, that people started clothing themselves the way we do today.

Plastic dreams

Did you know …

That there are very good reasons why no one has invented plastic clothing yet? It’s true!

I know, I know! Everybody except babies and adult nudes needs clothing, and plastic is all over the place, so it seems obvious that we’d just make plastic clothes. But think about this: you can see through a lot of plastic. What good would a bunch of see-through clothing do? Covering our butts is one of the main reasons we wear clothes!

Basically, what I’m saying is that you shouldn’t feel bad if you’ve invented plastic clothes and been shot down. It’s a good idea for a lot of reasons! Even if you called up your lawyer, and had him meet you in a public, yet isolated location (so no one could overhear and steal your idea, or try to tap your phone to do the same), and if you showed up in one of your prototype Plasti-crystal jumpsuits, and even if you really shouted at him when he suggested it might not be worth pursuing a patent, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed. These are mistakes that anyone could make, and if we went around feeling ashamed of ourselves all the time we’d never invent anything. So don’t get down on yourself. Just get a new lawyer, send the old one an apology written on the back of a photograph of his family, and put that (plastic?) thinking cap right back on!